Billy Joe Macay and His Adventures

Once there was a mountain climber, and his name was Billy Joe Macay. He wore a plaid checkered shirt with blue jeans and some purple shoes. He had blonde hair and was about six foot tall.

One day, he was on top of Mount Everest, and a flying saucer with a woman with purple hair, a green face, and a spider suit came flying by. The woman in the spider suit saw Billy Joe Macay and yelled out loud, “There’s my lost husband!” as the spaceship was just about to reach him. Then, the spaceship picked him up and took him to the planet Mars. And that was where the woman came from, too. Well, the woman saw him and caught him, hugged and kissed him, then hugged him some more, then kissed him some more. Then the saucer turned him into a horny toad with it’s laser. But he fell off the edge and fell all the way down...down...down...down...and down. And finally, after one thousand, two hundred and ninety days, he landed on Earth. And when he landed on Earth, he landed in a cow pie in a field.

When he got to his senses, he got up and said, “Whew! That was a coincidence.”

He was not married, and so he went to college. They called it “Snots College” because everybody was snots. And so he learned to be a lover, and in college, one billion dates, and hugs and kisses.

He got married to Charlene, a girl with long, blonde hair and always farting. After about a week, they had a baby boy. They named him Poopernickel.

When Poopernickel grew up, he was a mountain climber too. And he got married to a girl named Gloria, and they had babies. Their babies were Siamese twins, named Jason and Joseph. They had a hard time going to the bathroom. Well, as they grew up they married some girls joined at the bum. And they had babies, but they were green, and so they called Fat Albert to sit on them. He did and killed them.

Meanwhile, Billy Joe Macay and his wife, Charlene, were climbing the biggest mountain in the world, and they fell off and were killed. Well, the family was heartbroken. When they were together, they said to each other, “See you up in the sky.”

Then, they killed themselves.

-Scott Wells

6th Grade / 1984

14 years old