Christmas Skit (for 5 people)
Theme: The night before Christmas in Santa’s Workshop.
Starring: Santa Clause, Mrs. Clause, Lantoes (elf), Chilton (elf), and Blunder (elf)
Setting; North Pole in Santa’s Workshop at the time Hitler was dictating.
Scene: Santa, sitting in a comfortable chair with his feet propped up on a stool, smoking a pipe, and reading the “North Pole Express” in long johns.
Santa
Mrs. Clause, bring me my clothes.
Mrs. Clause
OK. Honey.
Santa
Elves, load your toys on the sleigh as soon as you count them.
Chilton
There’s sixty-two million toys, sir.
Santa
Oh good!
Lantoes, bring your best toy.
Blunder
How about my best toy, too?
Santa
No need, Blunder.
Mrs. Clause
Here’s your clothes, honey.
Santa
Ready to go?
Blunder
Santa, there’s something I have to tell you.
Santa
What is it, Blunder?
Blunder
A-oh, it’s just that last night I couldn’t sleep, so I walked around a lot and heard a kerplunk near your door. So I opened the door and saw you laying on the floor. I’m sure you rolled off your bed. But anyway, I tried to put you back up in your bed. You stirred and your arm knocked me into the closet, and the door locked. So I had to break the closet door down, and you got mad because that big hole was in the door.
Santa
Well, that’s alright. Just make sure you don’t do it again.
Blunder
OK. Thanks for understanding me, Santa.
Lantoes
Are you two going to talk all day, or do we have to take the North Pole bus to make sixty-three million stops?
Chilton
But we’re one million toys short!
Santa
Well, get to work. We have about one hour till midnight and have to go.
Lantoes
Mrs. Clause, will you do something for me?
Mrs. Clause
Sure Lantoes. What is it?
Lantoes
Augh, well it’s just that I haven’t eaten yet -augh. Could you fix some celery soup for me?
Mrs. Clause
All right, but we’re fresh out of celery soup. How about some chicken and tomato soup mixed with parsnips and garlic?
Lantoes
Sure. Sounds great.
Chilton
Santa? Santa?Santa? Mrs. Clause, do you know where Santa is?
Mrs. Clause
He’s out with the deer, hitching them up to the team.
Santa steps in the door
Santa
Boy, it’s sure cold outside tonight. It’s come to my attention that Rudolph has a cold.
Mrs. Clause
It’ll probably pass. It’s probably just a whooping cough. Nothing serious.
Chilton
I’m sure glad I found you, Santa.
Santa
What is it, Chilton?
Chilton
Do you know what two + two is?
Santa
Sure, it’s six, why?
Chilton
Just wondering.
Santa
Tell me, Chilton. Now!
Chilton
What is three + three?
Santa
Ten
Chilton
If two + two is six. And three + three is ten, then we’ve got nine hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred eighty-four toys left to make.
Santa
You mean you just wasted ten minutes just trying to tell me that?
Chilton
Yep! Aren’t you proud?
Blunder
Santa, all of the toys are done and Chilton hardly didn’t help at all. Lantoes smashed her finger trying to pound in a nail.
Santa
What’s wrong with that?
Blunder
Her hand was on her hip!
Lantoes
Ouch! That smarts!
Everybody
Ha Ha Ha
Chilton
That sure changes your looks.
Lantoes
Don’t laugh, you guys. It’s not funny. I wouldn’t laugh if you smashed your finger or anything else.
Mrs. Clause
I’m sorry, Lantoes.
Blunder
Yeah, I’m sorry too.
Santa
What happened anyway?
Lantoes
Well, Blunder said I was trying to pound in a nail. But I wasn’t. I was trying to kill a fly.
Chilton
That’s still just as bad. At least you still hurt your finger.
Lantoes
That’s nothing what’s going to happen to your face if you don’t shut up!
Santa
Hold up, you two, before you have a fight and hurt somebody.
Mrs. Clause
Or break something.
Santa
Let’s get going. We have exactly three seconds till you and I have to go.
Everybody
Three – Two – One!
Santa
OK. Let’s go!
Elves
Yay! We get to go now!
Mrs. Clause
Wait! You forgot your dinner, Lantoes.
Lantoes
Augh-save it for me till I get home.
Mrs. Clause
OK. Have a fun time.
Everybody but Mrs. Clause
We will!
Santa and the elves get into the sleigh.
Santa
Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good night!
Fade to black.
-Scott Wells
2nd Grade / 1978
8 years old
